I've been quite comprehensively fucked over.
She got back from her two week holiday in the US last night, I hadn't heard much from her because she was apparently on a farm in Washington and had no internet access, I hadn't had any phone calls, but I'm an easy-going guy. It was great that she managed to get back on the right day so we can go on our holiday together to Corsica on Sunday (two days away fact fans).
So we went down the pub ready to get a bit of food, and for about the fifteen billionth time this year she said
"Simon, there's something I want to say"
Cue, yawning, churning stomach feeling and brain feverishly working out the various possible things she could want to say to me.
"I haven't been in the US for the last 2 weeks, I've been in Georgia [as in European country] visiting the diplomat I had a fling with at Christmas to see if I still had feelings for him. And I still do".
How in the name of sweet Jesus am I supposed to react to something like that? Apparently one method is to storm out of the pub, throw the profered cheque (to cover the cost of the Corsica trip) back in her face, and spend the night failing to understand why and how.
12 hours later I'm no nearer the answers and guess I won't be. I'm currently scheduled to go on holiday with her on Sunday morning and she's said she'll do what I want with regard to the holiday and wants to pay me for it.
Words are currently failing me.