Tuesday 5 August 2003

Tier Bonus

My hard work has paid off and I have achieved the exalted status of Silver Card holder for both Radisson Gold Points and the British Airways Executive Club in the same week. It may not sound like much, but just look at these benefits:

  • Access to all BA lounges worldwide, no matter which class you travel in

  • Gather 15% more points for each hotel stay

  • Enjoy FREE drinks at the bar on weekday evenings

  • 10% discount on food and drink during any of your hotel stay

Wait, that's not all:

  • FREE accommodation - weekend nights in anonymous corporate hotels located in unappealing industrial estates or horrid concrete Midlands towns

  • MissManners® Club - be 15% more violent and obnoxious whilst barging past those unfortunates who are not members of a loyalty scheme

  • MissManners® Club - be up to 25% more supercilious to all staff before they retaliate and spit in your drink when your back is turned

  • MissManners® Club - queue jump an extra four places ahead (valid only in hotel, but please behave as if this applies globally)

  • More mail - GUARANTEED 220% increase in junk mail and spam of all kinds

  • Lowered irritation threshold - moan at the even the most trivial inconvenience. Where previously you may have suffered in silence with the colour of your hotel room carpet, you can now whine at our reception staff

  • Baggage guard - two personalised luggage tags in tasteful silver that positively shriek "I am a wanker" when attached to your bags

  • Game advantage - increased bragging rights during your daily conversational game of Loyalty Scheme TopTrumps with fellow hotel dwellers

I go Gold at the Radisson this week, I can hardly contain my excitement.

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